no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
