I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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