the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
