i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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