I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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