So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
