even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want nice things and good sex
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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