woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
