apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
