I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
