She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
