Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
