You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
