What a fucking waste of an outfit
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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