Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What a dumb baby whore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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