Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
