It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
