Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
