I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
