I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
In America we eat man semen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
