the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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