i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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