Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
