I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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