Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
