Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
