oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
