we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
