So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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