i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Are we still banned from the library?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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