Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
