So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Are my feet made of real feet?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
