I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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