Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
