That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
