we're blogging at a bar
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
