I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How does one acquire holy water?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
