oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
