she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
