Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
