pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
