My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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