My room smells like vodka and shame
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
