I'm gonna have a badass scar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
