i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
