um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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