Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
did i walk over a car last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
