Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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