So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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