If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
