the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This baby is an asshole
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
